cook like a crook

So I recently watched Julie & Julia. Much to my surprise, I lurved it.  A lot.  From watching it, I realized I have had a lot of hobbies of mine slip through the cracks.  One of them being cooking.  Another being jigsaw puzzles (don't judge).  One other being drawing.

In an attempt to change this issue, I decided to devote one night a week to cooking. Cook something new, cook something different, and cook something 100% delicious.

My first attempt:

Alice Springs Chicken and an Awesome Blossom from the Outback with Oreo Cheesecake for dessert. I didn't take pictures, and I don't feel like rummaging for the recipes I used to create these absolutely divine morsels, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Attempt #2:

Salsa.  My co-worker loaded me up with tomatoes from her garden.  Seeing that I rate eating plain, gut-squirting tomatoes at a very low number of .01/10, I decided to do something delicious with them.  Enter salsa recipe:

tomatoes
1 can diced chiles
3 green onions
garlic
2-3 dried chili/jalapeno peppers
fresh cilantro
2-3 T lemon juice
2-3 T olive oil
salt/pepper to taste

As you can see this is pretty general.  I got really spicy chiles, so I forewent the chile peppers.  Just dump and play with it until you have a mouthwatering concoction.

I give this salsa a 8.5/10.  Especially if you like hot, hot, hot.  Mmm.

Next up, I plan to take my taste buds on a trip to England (most people say that English food is gross, but I found a few things that were surprisingly delightful when I took a jolly-good visit there):

Cornish Pasties (Pahs-Tees)
Sally Lunn Buns
Trifle (or maybe good old Halloween sugar cookies, because I am sooo in the mood).

Stay tuned.

Sasquatch

I have a problem with my height.  A huge problem. 

I am 5'11".

Here's a list of problems with being that tall:

1.) Any sort of cute shoe (heels) is a no go.
2.) Men and me don't mix-- midget meet ogre. Luckily, I found someone that is exactly my height.
3.) Pants don't fit... lookout FLOODS!
4.) I look like a sasquatch... or a tranny (my nickname was squatch -- shortened from sasquatch for a few years)
5.) Being tall = big feet = clown shoes.
6.) I had growth spurt issues, which ultimately resulted in bad knees.
7.) People are scared of me.
8.) People tell me that I can "carry my weight better."

What are the benefits?  I can't think of any, other than no one ever loses me in a crowd, I can get things off the highest shelf by just reaching u,p and... well, that's it. Lots of people tell me that they wish they could be tall and I don't understand. Help this sqautch out, people. Why would you want to be tall?

If I had a wish, it would be to chop exactly three inches off my legs.  5'8".  Now that's a height I could enjoy.

I give my height a 4/10.  Maybe I wouldn't like being short, either.

Oh, Wally

Shopping at Walmart… Pass, pass and pass. Just for the shopping experience alone I give it a 1/10. That’s being quite generous, I think.

What I do enjoy: the abundant amount of weirdos that make for awesome people watching.

i.e. Yesterday, I saw an Asian tour group taking turns snapping pictures next to the “Wanted/Missing Child” board at the entrance of Walmart. I kid you not.

There is more than one detail I found perplexing about this situation:

1.) An Asian tour group on a tour at Walmart
2.) An Asian tour group on a tour at Walmart
3.) An Asian tour group on a tour at Walmart
4.) OH YEAH! And… THEY’RE TAKING PICTURES AT THE WANTED/MISSING CHILD BOARD!

If anyone can provide a clear answer as to why this event might have occurred, I surely would appreciate it.

Because of the pure hilarity and perplexity of this situation, I will give Walmart an 8/10 because it occurred right on their stomping ground. Walmart—this is the highest rating you’ll ever get from me.

Hungry? Why wait...

Ok… Just finished the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. Have you read them yet?

My thoughts: the first book was really strange up until about page 100. And then I got really attached to the characters and storyline. I also thought that the book was pretty much a violent version of Harry Potter? Is anyone with me on this or am I alone?

In comparison to other books I’ve read, I give the first book a 6.2/10. I give it a 10/10 if you’re looking for a quick and entertaining summer read.

Onto Catching Fire. I liked Catching Fire better than the Hunger Games. I was way more attached to the characters and the storyline because I was no longer weirded out.

So based on that reaction alone, I give it a solid 8/10.

Ok, ok. Now I’ll let the completely dorky (and more truthful) side of me out: I CAN’T WAIT for the third book to debut this month! Woot!

Take this review as you will.

My heart yearns...for Basmati!

I have a craving for rice. See post below for information on my new eating patterns. Remember: carbs are NOT good. Therefore, this craving should also not be good. But, my nostrils are flaring. Someone here has just cooked the divine white grain and I WANT IT BAD!

Now for a review of my all-time, hands-down favorite rice aka Basmati…Rice (do I need to include rice on the end of that?) Please, let us forget nasty minute rice for just a minute.

Here is the Basmati:

Oh the delectable goodness! Oh how I want you!

Why is this blasted stuff so good?

1.) It has a wonderful aroma—like a middle-eastern or Indian marketplace. I do know what I’m talking about. But more on that later.
2.) It comes in a burlap sack. A BURLAP SACK for crying out loud!
3.) The grains are long!
4.) It is straight from India, hand-picked (is rice hand-picked? maybe harvested…), packed into that delightful burlap sack and freighted straight to me.

I give this rice a hearty helping of 10/10. My heart yearns.

In case you don’t believe me, buy a burlap sack of it at select Sam’s and Costco stores for roughly $10. Also, major grocery stores have extremely small packages of it, but it is more expensive and doesn’t come in said burlap sack, so I would steer clear.

Image from here.

A tribute to AMC

So honey and I are on an AMC kick of sorts.  We just finished watching all three seasons of Breaking Bad. Seen it?  Well I think it is excellent.  Brief synops: Walt, a high school chem teacher, discovers he has lung cancer.  In order to afford hospital and familial expenses, he decides to go into the Meth business... obviously. What results is bloodbaths, drama, and a few comedic situations along the way.  

Official SS rating Breaking Bad: 9.1/10

Honey's favorite show of all time is Mad Men. Currently in its fourth season, Mad Men is arguably the smartest show on T.V.  The acting, drama, and complex storyline are more than spot on. Girls--Mad Men's worth the watch soley for the 60's-ish attire and home decor. I'm def in LOVE.

Official SS rating Mad Men: 9.2/10 

Rabid Reviews!

I’ve been trying to think of where I wanted this whole blogging thing to go. Honey and I aren’t the most exciting of persons—as you clearly can see I don’t have much to say about our lives, as I’ve written two posts in the past two months.

Solution: I’m a very opinionated person. Most of the time, I’m too quiet and shy to share my opinions—being a people pleaser does not help my cause either. So I’ve decided to add an element to this blog called “Rabid Reviews”—my review and opinion of, well, anything really.

So, without further ado, I'm bringing to you, my first RABID REVIEW: Honey’s Diet.

Honey and I gained a total weight of 60ish pounds in the past year. Yep, we’re pretty gross. I’ll spare you the pictures. After eating daily deep-fried (yes, daily and deep-fried) corn dogs, chicken, asian food, and anything else we could get our hands on to boil in that pot of hot, bubbly, greasy goodness, we decided that our weight might be getting a little bit out of hand. 

So, being the wise man he is, my honey devised (or stole) this diet idea, which we have been following religiously for the past two weeks (well… kind of).

Honey’s diet:

Breakfast - protein shake
Ingredients:
1 scoop protein powder
A handful of spinach
4 oz of water, 4 oz of milk
Magic Bullet it up!
(he likes to add strawberries and pb to his, but I think that sounds sick)

Lunch
1 EAS protein shake (it tastes like bad water from Provo’s faucet—all you Provo residents know what I’m talking about—with a hint of aluminum and chocolate dirt)

Dinner
Slab of meat or poultry
Side of veggies –green only

To be honest this diet is about as good as it sounds. I grew up in a family where every meal was followed by chocolate and at least two carb-packed foods were included. We’d eat a side of pasta/potatoes/rice AND some sort of bread. Always.

As you can see, the above diet= no carbs and much fiber. The result: much time in the bathroom and a net loss of 10 pounds in two weeks. Good job, honey.

The official SS overall rating: 8/10--if you're a fatty that's soley looking to lose weight.